What a happy and holy fashion it is that those who love one another should rest on the same pillow.
Strike an average between what a woman thinks of her husband a month before she marries him and what she thinks of him a year afterward, and you will have the truth about him.
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Marriage, n. A community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all two.
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
Newlyweds become oldyweds, and oldyweds are the reasons that families work.
Never get married in the morning, because you never know who you'll meet that night.
More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.
Divorce: The past tense of marriage.
One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again.
Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage.
It destroys one's nerves to be amiable every day to the same human being.
The sum which two married people owe to one another defies calculation. It is an infinite debt, which can only be discharged through eternity.
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
In the opinion of the world, marriage ends all, as it does in a comedy. The truth is precisely the opposite: it begins all.
A man marries to have a home, but also because he doesn't want to be bothered with sex and all that sort of thing.
After the chills and fever of love, how nice is the 98.6Âş of marriage!
English Law prohibits a man from marrying his mother-in-law. This is our idea of useless legislation.
A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity. The order varies for any given year.
Matrimony is a process by which a grocer acquired an account the florist had.
Marriage is a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters in prose.
A dress that zips up the back will bring a husband and wife together.
All marriages are happy. It's the living together afterward that causes all the trouble.
As to marriage or celibacy, let a man take which course he will, he will be sure to repent.
Never feel remorse for what you have thought about your wife; she has thought much worse things about you.
Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences.
A first-rate marriage is like a first-rate hotel: expensive, but worth it.
The reason for much matrimony is patrimony.
A man's wife has more power over him than the state has.
Three rings of marriage are the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering.
Though marriage makes man and wife one flesh, it leaves 'em still two fools.
A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished.
Bigamy is having one husband or wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity.
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
My wife says I never listen to her. At least I think that's what she said.
I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late.
I have great hopes that we shall love each other all our lives as much as if we had never married at all.
Mistress: something between a mister and a mattress.
Mother-in-law: a woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
Bachelor: the only man who has never told his wife a lie.
Wedding rings: the world's smallest handcuffs.
Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.
The most dangerous food is wedding cake.
Home cooking: where many a man thinks his wife is.
Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
Marriage is not a word - it is a sentence.
There is so little difference between husbands you might as well keep the first.
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Once a woman has forgiven her man, she must not reheat his sins for breakfast.
Only choose in marriage a man whom you would choose as a friend if he were a woman.
Never strike your wife - even with a flower.
The difficulty with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but must live with a character.
The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.
So heavy is the chain of wedlock that it needs two to carry it, and sometimes three.
Marriage is three parts love and seven parts forgiveness of sins.
Bride, n. A woman with a fine prospect behind her.
If your husband and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose, would you go to lunch or to a movie?
The husband who doesn't tell his wife everything probably reasons that what she doesn't know won't hurt him.
You can never be happily married to another until you get a divorce from yourself. Successful marriage demands a certain death to self.
Married life teaches one invaluable lesson: to think of things far enough ahead not to say them.
The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin.
Never marry for money. Ye'll borrow it cheaper.
She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.
One man's folly is another man's wife.
Women hope men will change after marriage but they don't; men hope women won't change but they do.
Marriage halves our griefs, doubles our joys, and quadruples our expenses.
Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him. After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him.
A perfect marriage is one in which "I'm sorry" is said just often enough.
Marriage must constantly fight against a monster which devours everything: routine.
Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too.
Many marriages are simply working partnerships between businessmen and housekeepers.
A fellow ought to save a few of the long evenings he spends with his girl till after they're married.
Though women are angels, yet wedlock's the devil.
A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.
A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married.
Marriage is a meal where the soup is better than the dessert.
One shouldn't be too inquisitive in life
Either about God's secrets or one's wife.
For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the one miracle the Vatican has overlooked.
Marriage is a ghastly public confession of a strictly private intention.
Adultery is the application of democracy to love.
A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short.
Marriage: A legal or religious ceremony by which two persons of the opposite sex solemnly agree to harass and spy on each other for ninety-nine years, or until death do them join.
When a girl marries she exchanges the attentions of many men for the inattention of one.
Marriage changes passion - suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
It is not marriage that fails; it is people that fail. All that marriage does is to show people up.
A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers.
Marriage is a feast where the grace is sometimes better than the dinner.
The man who never in his life
Has washed the dishes with his wife
Or polished up the silver plate -
He still is largely celibate.
A love that lasts for twenty years may be better than love, but it isn't love.
To avoid mistakes and regrets, always consult your wife before engaging in a flirtation.
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
Marriage is a mistake every man should make.
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn't.
Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them.
Husbands are like fires. They go out when unattended.